By  Mark Newton

Everyone reacts differently to divorce, but there are common stages that each person goes through. Knowing what to expect will help you find your way through these stages, although nothing takes the negative feelings away. Understanding your emotional state will help you as you negotiate extremely important issues in your divorce.

One day you are in denial and the next extremely angry. But, resolution does come when you are ready.

Denial: You hate feeling out of control regarding the destiny of your marriage. You will be convinced that divorce is not the solution and that it will all work out. In this stage it is impossible to negotiate effectively, so don’t.

Shock: You may feel panic, rage, and numbness. Coping with these feelings may seem impossible. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end?

Roller-coaster: You can’t seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from hopeful to fearful. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.

Bargaining: You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or do anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return.

Letting go: During this stage you will finally accept the marriage is over. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage. You begin to feel liberated.

Acceptance: The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you deserve and will have a fulfilling life. You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. Your pain gives way to hope.

Divorce is tough—period. But understanding the natural stages can help you negotiate more effectively in a dissolution, divorce, or mediation negotiation. If you need help navigating, give us a call.

Take control. Know your options. Contact the family law, divorce, and mediation offices of Mark Newton and Allie Shapero today for a no-cost initial meeting, at 216-769-4286, or by email, ashapero@marknewtonlaw.com.